Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
