Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
