well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
