Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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