She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize