ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
