You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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