he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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