i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
