she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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