Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
