I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
