you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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