I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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