She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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