sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
