with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
