Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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