you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
