i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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