so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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