Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
