apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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