I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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