Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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