The maid of honor just puked.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this just has baby written all over it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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