Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
