So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
