dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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