anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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