theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize