dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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