Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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