I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
