My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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