if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
