she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize