Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
