Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
