my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
