And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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