just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
