wrigley field is MILF paradise
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
