Umm I'm too high to move.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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