farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
