so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize