No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
