i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sober January is a disaster.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
