when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize