At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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