He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
