woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
