just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
