Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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