dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize