I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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