Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
