Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Even my vagina gasped.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
