Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
