Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
