I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
