Sponge bath it is.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
