cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
