I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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