vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
