Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
