remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
