TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
