I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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