i think i have two assholes
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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