Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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