Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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