We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
