i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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