I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
