I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
