dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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