The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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