Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
