Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
