I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
