bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
