you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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