What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
