i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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