He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
