i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
