i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize