i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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