im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
