I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
