i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
