if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
