How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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