either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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